Maybe the Clomid helped this month...... I had a chemical pregnancy. I never would have known if I had not been paying such close attention to my body.

A few times last week, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and would suddenly feel nauseous on my way back to the bed. I knew that wasn't normal for me. When it happened once I thought maybe I just ate something too late or too close to bedtime, but I knew something was up when it happened two or three other occassions.

Also my BBT kept rising and rising. My CM remained creamy. And for 7 days in a row after ovulation, I had faint positives on my OPK's. None of these signs were normal for me.

I planned to test with an HPT on 11 dpo (Easter Sunday...March 23). I woke up and first thing I did was pee'd and I remembered I had wanted to test. Too late. I decided that I would not drink anything the rest of the morning and wait 5 hours to pee and test then. After 4 hours I really needed to pee, so I went ahead and tested and after only 1-1/2 minutes, I saw a VERY faint, barely there second line on the HPT! I was like, "yeah, right." So I left the bathroom to get a bottle of water and came back and the 5 minute test time was completed and there was still the faint positive. I even got a magnifying glass to make sure I really was seeing this and it was sure enough there. I didn't want to get my hopes up too quickly, but I did start to tear up and said, "Please God, let it be!" I was thrilled as I decided I would test again in a few days when hopefully the hcg levels would increase and show me a dark positive! I drove to walgreens and bought a digital HPT just for the occasion!

Mike works a double shift on Sunday, so I spent the day cleaning house, washing both vehicles and mowing the lawn. I felt great and I had so much energy!

That night at bedtime, I started having mild cramps. They felt like period cramps, but my period was not due for 5 or 6 more days. I began to worry that maybe I'd done too much work during the day. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and the cramps were still there. When I woke in the morning (Monday, March 24), the cramps were still there. I felt something wasn't right, so I decided to do the second HPT that morning when I woke up and it was.....negative :'-(

I was sad, but thankfully, I did not get my hopes up too much, so I was able to accept the fact without being completely heartbroken. It took almost THREE YEARS for this to happen and just like that....it's gone :'-(

I know it was just barely three weeks, and it wasn't anything more than a bundle of cells, but still.....that was going to be OUR baby.

On March 4, 2008, Mike had a semen analysis done and we received the results later that same day. The results were very poor and are as follows:

Sperm count: 13 million (should be at least 20 million)
Sperm motility: 10% (should be at least 50%)
morphology: 2% (should be at least 14%)

The RE suggested IVF. There is no way we can afford to have ANY procedures done. So our chances are slim to none of ever conceiving a baby.

I guess Mike's daughter was right when she told me that she would be a mom and I never would and would always have to adopt dogs.

I can't begin to describe the pain I am feeling. I tried so hard not to cry in front of Mike because I don't want him to feel guilty or that I blame him for this, but I couldn't help it and the tears fell. I cried for two days. I am better now, guess I'm all cried out.

We will continue 'trying' even though it's a lost cause, but I'd rather keep trying than give up and always wonder 'what if I hadn't given up?'

I try to keep in mind that it only takes ONE little sperm.

I started my period on February 29, 2008. Today is my third day and I am starting my 1st round of Clomid. I'm not feeling too optimistic about it because the RE already told me that she has only had ONE 43 year old woman conceive while using Clomid. I just feel that I will be one of the 43 year old "Clomid failed" statistics.

I have been charting my BBT since November 2007. Usually my temps are elevevated after ovulation and tend to begin tapering down a couple of days before my period begins. This month, however, my temps have not tapered down at the onset of my period and in fact have risen a degree each day since yesterday. This is not a normal pattern for me.

I went to the dollar store and bought an HPT and did that this afternoon. I know it's rare, but some women do bleed in early pregnancy and I wanted to rule that out before taking my first Clomid. The test indicated a BFN, so I guess I'm good to go!

Tomorrow we are going to call the RE's office and see if Mike can come in to give a semen analysis. We have not BD'd for three days and hopefully, they will be able to fit him in. I'm hoping his vasectomy from over 2-1/2 years ago has not made scar tissue that is blocking the passage of the spermies. He has been on a few supplements for the last several months as well and I'm hoping that they have helped to improve his sperm count and motility since the last S/A we had done over a year ago.

Hoping for the best, but not getting my hopes up.