Maybe the Clomid helped this month...... I had a chemical pregnancy. I never would have known if I had not been paying such close attention to my body.

A few times last week, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and would suddenly feel nauseous on my way back to the bed. I knew that wasn't normal for me. When it happened once I thought maybe I just ate something too late or too close to bedtime, but I knew something was up when it happened two or three other occassions.

Also my BBT kept rising and rising. My CM remained creamy. And for 7 days in a row after ovulation, I had faint positives on my OPK's. None of these signs were normal for me.

I planned to test with an HPT on 11 dpo (Easter Sunday...March 23). I woke up and first thing I did was pee'd and I remembered I had wanted to test. Too late. I decided that I would not drink anything the rest of the morning and wait 5 hours to pee and test then. After 4 hours I really needed to pee, so I went ahead and tested and after only 1-1/2 minutes, I saw a VERY faint, barely there second line on the HPT! I was like, "yeah, right." So I left the bathroom to get a bottle of water and came back and the 5 minute test time was completed and there was still the faint positive. I even got a magnifying glass to make sure I really was seeing this and it was sure enough there. I didn't want to get my hopes up too quickly, but I did start to tear up and said, "Please God, let it be!" I was thrilled as I decided I would test again in a few days when hopefully the hcg levels would increase and show me a dark positive! I drove to walgreens and bought a digital HPT just for the occasion!

Mike works a double shift on Sunday, so I spent the day cleaning house, washing both vehicles and mowing the lawn. I felt great and I had so much energy!

That night at bedtime, I started having mild cramps. They felt like period cramps, but my period was not due for 5 or 6 more days. I began to worry that maybe I'd done too much work during the day. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and the cramps were still there. When I woke in the morning (Monday, March 24), the cramps were still there. I felt something wasn't right, so I decided to do the second HPT that morning when I woke up and it was.....negative :'-(

I was sad, but thankfully, I did not get my hopes up too much, so I was able to accept the fact without being completely heartbroken. It took almost THREE YEARS for this to happen and just like that....it's gone :'-(

I know it was just barely three weeks, and it wasn't anything more than a bundle of cells, but still.....that was going to be OUR baby.

On March 4, 2008, Mike had a semen analysis done and we received the results later that same day. The results were very poor and are as follows:

Sperm count: 13 million (should be at least 20 million)
Sperm motility: 10% (should be at least 50%)
morphology: 2% (should be at least 14%)

The RE suggested IVF. There is no way we can afford to have ANY procedures done. So our chances are slim to none of ever conceiving a baby.

I guess Mike's daughter was right when she told me that she would be a mom and I never would and would always have to adopt dogs.

I can't begin to describe the pain I am feeling. I tried so hard not to cry in front of Mike because I don't want him to feel guilty or that I blame him for this, but I couldn't help it and the tears fell. I cried for two days. I am better now, guess I'm all cried out.

We will continue 'trying' even though it's a lost cause, but I'd rather keep trying than give up and always wonder 'what if I hadn't given up?'

I try to keep in mind that it only takes ONE little sperm.

I started my period on February 29, 2008. Today is my third day and I am starting my 1st round of Clomid. I'm not feeling too optimistic about it because the RE already told me that she has only had ONE 43 year old woman conceive while using Clomid. I just feel that I will be one of the 43 year old "Clomid failed" statistics.

I have been charting my BBT since November 2007. Usually my temps are elevevated after ovulation and tend to begin tapering down a couple of days before my period begins. This month, however, my temps have not tapered down at the onset of my period and in fact have risen a degree each day since yesterday. This is not a normal pattern for me.

I went to the dollar store and bought an HPT and did that this afternoon. I know it's rare, but some women do bleed in early pregnancy and I wanted to rule that out before taking my first Clomid. The test indicated a BFN, so I guess I'm good to go!

Tomorrow we are going to call the RE's office and see if Mike can come in to give a semen analysis. We have not BD'd for three days and hopefully, they will be able to fit him in. I'm hoping his vasectomy from over 2-1/2 years ago has not made scar tissue that is blocking the passage of the spermies. He has been on a few supplements for the last several months as well and I'm hoping that they have helped to improve his sperm count and motility since the last S/A we had done over a year ago.

Hoping for the best, but not getting my hopes up.

On February 2, 2008 I FINALLY had my period! Which means that I was FINALLY able to do the required blood work on cycle day 3 that the RE ordered for me way back in November 2007. This blood work was supposed to indicate whether I am possibly going into earlu menopause.

On February 14, 2008, I had a follow up visit with my RE to discuss the most recent blood work and the GOOD NEWS is that I am NOT going into early menopause! She said that I have just as good a chance as any 43 year old to conceive, but of course my chances continue to decrease with age. She gave me a prescription for Clomid to begin on days 5 thru 9 in March, however, she advised me that she has only had ONE 43 year old conceive on Clomid in her entire career. I appreciated her honesty, so I won't be getting my hopes up only to be disappointed if it doesn't work for me.

I am still charting my temps on Fertility Friend and it indicates that I ovulated on February 13, 2008. The pregnancy monitor on FF also stated that my chances of becoming pregnant were HIGH based on us BDing 3 days before ovulation, the day of ovulation and the day after ovulation. Things I did extra this month was each day, take 1 baby aspirin, 1 50mg B-6, 1 B-50 Complex and 2 500mg Royal Jelly. I also used Pre-Seed the day of ovulation and inserted an Instead softcup right after BDing to keep the spermies close to the cervix where they need to be and avoid them leaking out. I think I took EVERY measure I could have taken and if I don't conceive, something is wrong somewhere.

We are also planning on getting hubby tested next month. I'm hoping that his vasectomy reversal from 2-1/2 years ago did not develope scar tissue and is blocking the spermies. I have him on supplements as well to possibly help increase count and motility. Hubby is taken daily, 2 1000mg L-Arginine and Vitamin C in addition to his regular multi vitamin.

I am right now 4 days past ovulation. I'm feeling very hopeful, but not getting my hopes way up, so I won't be disappointed if it turns out that I didn't conceive this month.

I don't think I mentioned this yet, but this is my last year to try to conceive. If I don't succeed by my 44th birthday in December, I am giving up and accepting that it wasn't meant to be. It will be a hard reality to accept, but I have no other choice. I will just be thankful for the things I DO have in my life....like a hubby who loves me and would do anything in the world to make me happy and 6 furry 'babies' who love me unconditionally.

On January 22, 2008, I had my followup appointment with the RE to discuss my blood work and possible treatment options. I brought along my BBT chart and blood work from my primary care physician which recently indicated that I had hypothyroidism and a month later with medication, it has been regulated. I pointed out to her that two days after my blood pregnancy test that my BBT chart indicated a thermal shift which might mean that I finally ovulated. She looked at my chart and then proceeded to do an ultrasound. Two large follicles could be seen on the screen and she said that it did indeed appear that I had ovulated this month! Unfortunately, I think we missed our window of opportunity because we did not have sex on the day before, day of, or day after ovulation, therefore, I'm pretty sure that our chances of conceiving were greatly decreased.

The RE advised that she would not be prescribing me Progesterone because IF I did ovulate, that would only delay my period. She said to give it another week or so and one of two things should happen: 1) I will become pregnant OR 2) my period will finally start. I'm expecting the latter to occur.

In an unrelated matter, I had to see my primary care physician today because it seems that I have come down with the dreaded FLU!! How did this happen??? I feel miserable. I have been running fever over 101*F since last night. I am on three medications for my flu symptoms. Tonight I started getting some minor cramps in my lower abdomin, but I only felt them maybe three times. I don't know if they were caused by the medication I started taking this afternoon or if they could possibly be early PMS cramps. The last one occurred three hours ago and other than the body aches, everything is so far, so good.

I guess I'm back to square 1. I'll update this if any further information developes.

I haven't had a period since November 11, 2007. I have been charting my BBT & CM all this time. I have also been using a saliva ovulation monitor which has only been showing partial ferning on and off for the last three or so weeks. For the last three+ weeks I have had EWCM. It appears that my body has been trying to gear up for ovulation but according to my BBT, that has not occurred yet.

I called the RE last Friday and explained that I have not had a period since 11/11/07 and therefore, have not been able to get the blood work done which is to be done on cycle day 3. I wondered if I should just hang tight and wait. The nurse said NO, that that is way too long and she ordered some blood work and a blood pregnancy test. I did that on Monday morning and she called me with the results today. The nurse said that my pregnancy test was negative (I already knew that) and that my Estradiol level is 90 and my Progesterone is 1. . She said that the doctor wanted me to come in to discuss possible treatments. I have an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon.

That is where I stand right now. I'll will update this after I see the RE next week. Anyone reading this, please keep your fingers crossed for me. Thanks.

First off....let me mention that I have been bitten by the 'mommy bug' AGAIN. It happened after my boss who had trouble conceiving, finally conceived after almost a year of trying and she is now about 2 months along. Last week she gave me her stash of stuff that she won't be needing anymore, which included ovulation test strips, pre-seed lubricant, male supplements (for hubby) and two fertility books.

I found an interesting statement in one of the books: Soy suppresses the natural production of estrogen. When I read that, it occurred to me that earlier this year, in an effort to eat healthier, we had started eating more soy meat as opposed to hamburger meat. It seems that my irregular cycles began a few months after we began eating more soy. Mike says NO MORE soy for me!! He will finish off what we have left and we have bought turkey burgers for my personal enjoyment.

I also read on the internet that the supplement Vitex can regulate a womans monthly cycles. It is nicknamed "Nature's Clomid". I figured that I have nothing to lose, so I started myself on that last week. I also found online, a 'recipe' for fertility which includes taking 2 Vitex, 1 baby aspirin, 1 b6 supplement in the morning. And at night taking 2 Vitex, 1 B-50 Complex supplement as well as 2-4 teaspoons of Robitussin every 4 hours until ovulation. I am trying this too. Hubby is taking L-Arginine 3 times a day to increase sperm count, 1 Co-Q10 for sperm count and motility and 2 Vitamin C for clumping.

Yesterday (Nov. 19) I had an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Her name is Dr. Roach and I absolutely LOVE her! She is sooooo nice! I was almost disqualified from seeing her. A few days before my appointment with her, her staff called me to say that I needed to call my insurance company and obtain an authorization number from them. When I called, they asked me a series of questions such as, "are my cycles regular, have I ever had children, how long have I been trying, has either my husband or I ever had reproductive surgery." I admitted that Mike had a vasectomy reversal 2-1/2 years ago and the lady stopped and immediately said THAT disqualified me from seeing this specialist. I was flabbergasted and almost on the verge of crying. I asked, "Not even for a consultation?" She finally said the only way around it is if my PCP gave me a referral. I asked if it could come from my gynocologist because HE had suggested that I see an RE and she said "No", that it HAD to come from my primary care physician. So I called my doctor and they agreed to see me the very next day (Friday). Without a problem, I obtained a referral to see the RE!

The RE spent A LOT of time with me yesterday discussing my cycles, my eating habits, etc.... Then she performed an ultrasound and said my ovaries were a little on the small side, which isn't unusual since they decrease in size as we age. Although my gynocologist had performed blood work to check my hormones and said they were perfect and that I was nowhere close to menopause, Dr. Roach explained that we don't really know for sure, since our hormones fluctuate throughout our cycles and since we don't know at what point in my cycle I was when the blood was drawn, we don't know what the actual reading indicates. So.....when my next period begins (hopefully in a couple of weeks) I am to have blood drawn on either the 2nd or 3rd day of my cycle and this will indicate my actual hormone levels. She also mentioned doing a blood test that will check the quality of my egg reserves. I think this will be included in the blood work as well.

She suggested putting me on Clomid, but I explained that my insurance has already told me that they will NOT pay for any medications or injections :-( She said that there is a diabetic drug that would do the same as Clomid and she could give me that without the insurance knowing that it is being used for fertility issues. First we'll wait and see what the blood tests indicate (First things, first!).

She also went over hubby's sperm analysis from a year ago in way more detail than his own doctor did. She said that his sperm count is actually within normal ranges, and really it's just the clumping and low motility that is not in the normal range, however, conceiving is still possible even with that obstacle standing in the way. She asked if his doctor had recommended a mucus thinner and was very surprised when I said No. She suggested that he take 400 mg of Mucinex 2 times a day and this will serve to thin is semen. Who would have known???

I have also started monitoring my Basal Temperature and this morning there was a big drop in it, which indicates that ovulation MIGHT be right around the corner! Last night, I also ordered a saliva ovulation monitor. It is reusable and this way I won't have to spend a ton of money on ovulation test strips.

I have to admit that I had given up hope for a while there, but I feel very hopeful once again, but, I don't want to raise my hopes up too high and set myself up for a disappointment. However......this time I am ready to accept whatever the outcome is.....positive OR negative :-)